（ ♥ 安 安 ♥ ）：当一个样样条件都很差经的女人，拥有了一个爱她的男人，就会变成全世界最幸福的女人。。

A new beginning to start together with the Xmas. To put down all my feelings and start everything afresh..

 

17 Dec 06 3.53am

" I know its hard for you to face the fact that i'd actually left you first. Of all the promises we made, the times we shared, the quarrell we had. But i'd already made up my mind. I cant even trust you thou i know you never did anything. Most of the times we quarrelled juz bcos im too rubbish and cos of her. I like to meet ppl but u dun like the idea of me even talking to ur friends. We just cant have the same hobbies too. It's not i dunt want to go back, but i dun dare to.. I've got no more courage to move on! Its too much hurt for me. I know, i'm selfish. I'm really really sorry... But i want myself to be happy and useful. Thru out my past wif you, i'd enuf of those sarcastic remarks and facing them alone. Now, i just wanna be happy wif no worries. I dun want to give out anymore le.. I'm very tired! I just want you to stand strong and be brave. Remember this? ==> For my sake, pls dun torture urself already! "

 

17 Dec 06 5.30am

" It's not who left who first... Its till now then i realised how bad i treated you in the past. I know your mind is made and i respect your decision. I know the world outside is vast, and as long as one day you are with me, you wont have the freedom to do wad you want. Now you have the chance to raom, but if one day you are tired, and want to settle down, i will welcome you with both hands, for my love for you will never change. I love you dear. I sincerely wish you good luck in everything you do from now on. Take care of yourself K, if you have any problems, can look for me. "

 

Pondering.. Am i treating him unfairly? Thinking only about myself. I had hurt him.. Deeply. I know. Till now, somewhere in my heart.. I stills wonder how is he going on. Is he fine? Did he drink? Did he work hard? Am i still caring about him? I dunno... maybe that's where the one year plus of feelings still tingling unable to subside..

But isnt me going on fine now? Living my life to the fullest wif no worries and looking much more better now?

I can only says that he didnt do anything wrong, only that when i needed his support he is either not there for me or just asking me to ignore. Its like im fighting all alone by myself.. Anyway, i just hopes that one day, he will really understands my feelings and why i wanna leave. When in a RS and there is someone opposing, there cant be any blessing but only sufferings esp when it comes frm in within the family. There is no point in holding on together and then u will see happiness. Nah.. its too much sufferings. At least for me.

 

Alrights! Gotta let my thoughts stops here and not letting it get me moody.. I REALLY gotta move on!!!

 

Last thoughts:

24 Dec 06 4.13am

Good news! Good news!

 

I'd made it thru the 1st round today!!! was so nervous man..the time seemed to pass damn slow lor. i reached there ard 9.05am and theres so many girls already! All of us were group in 10. So the first round today was the group introduction, as expected.. keke =) (due to having tips frm him!) The first group that went in first.. only 3 were selected!

Oh.. i tell ya. All the girls got even more nervous. Its like... huh? only 3? den the percentage of us getting in is near to zero man!

Well, the 2nd group, only 2 were selected. I was the 3rd group...

2 interviewer went abt walking ard our round tables in which we were sitted accordingly. During their speech, they kept scribbling on the papers while watching all of us. Think they trying to see how we carried ourselves bah, i guessed. Made a less than one min self-introduction. Too nervous to talk about wad first.. so i went: hi, gd morning everyone! Im Joanne and is 22 tis yr. Currently had finished my temp assignment in Philips. Before Philips, was actually working in a childcare center in which requires me to guide the kids in their studies, taking care of their welfare and safety at all times... I WAS STOPPED HERE BY THE INTERVIEWER! keke... she asked me.. so how many did u handle? i even asked her: u mean the kids? keke.. stupid right?! so i just told her that i was in charge of all the P3s, so in my group there's abt 8-9 students. yupz.. thou its only a handful of them but taking care of them can be rather tedious as most kids now are much more active den before. But i do enjoy myself working at there. Yupz.. that's all abt me! Thank you.. i sat down. the girl nx to me, which i get to knw her for abt 30mins only, said i did a great speech, a great job! When she herself looked and sound so calm thru out.

As i was the last 3rd ones.. so it ended quite fast. We were been ursher out back to the meeting rm to be sitted while they discussed abt the result.. I was holding onto the girl sitted next to me, in fact.. kept on wishing them all the best! keke.. well this time, she said, ok, now i wil just read out the ones who got in! The rest who are not selected, thank you for ya interest in Silkair. The selected one is...Joanne!!!

For the moment, i told i was the one not selected! Oh god.. the girls wish me all the best and congrats me.. I was so sad that they left.. me all alone! i thank them and shake hands with some of them..

Well, we gotta sit again while waiting for the next round.. one-to-one interview. i waited for abt 30mins before my turn as there is another 2 infront of me. Haa.. this time, i took abt 10mins only! short right... keke.. but this one-to-one interview was the most nervous one. Cos that lady just kept on looking straight into my eyes. Thru out, i just kept on smiling trying hard to cover amy signs of afraid in me...... We talked abt their management.. I dunno Y.. but she didnt really goes into it much lar. Just brief abt it all..

Anyway........

I've got in! Looking forward to 14th Dec 06... Wish Joanne all the BEST again! muarckz..

Thanks buddys and you for everything..

For the tips and those notes in which i got the chance to read..lolx it was supposed to be HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL de wor!

Regaining all confidence as i goes by~

on the 23rd, i stil gotta work! its volunteered.. mary had actually thanked me and its so sweet of her to get me a pressie. it's a beautiful box which she thoughts i might like it as she finds me having lots of "ling ling dong dong"! keke.. We had got to liked Mary more. She was actually a very responsible woman. Really felt apologetic when we got to knw her better. Together with Auntie Anne too.. they both are loving peoples i shld say.. They greets everyone as DEAR in fact, so when they are on the phone, we dunno who they are talking too. HEEZ! :) So i was being called as Darling and Sweetie! I got lots of birthday kisses from my colleagues too.. Not gonna display here case some ppl finds it bitchy and starts back stabbing again! But nonetheless, im really happy with lots of loves! Staffs in PHILIPS gaves me their greeting too thou im just there for less than a month!! Alan, bought me a very antique slip-on shoe for me frm Kukup. I loves it alot but i cant wear them, too small le la, i've long legs! keke.. he ask me to find a place to hang it up for display!!! =D LOLX.. Aunty Molly even bake me a durain cake, its was so so so delicious! Haiz... but sad to say that friday was her last day le. she needs some rest to start her perm job. I really missed her so much! She is one of those 'trendy' mum u will see. She even went zouk before, u knw?! cool right? haha.. she is so so so humurous lor.. having her around boost up the wrking loads! Hmmm... i dunno but monday will gonna be boring without her.. her laughter, her craps, her cuteness, her pattern..... Aunty Molly..... *huggies*

 

Im now getting more responsibility in work. Mary leaves the job to both me and Joel. When we came in, i gotta tells them wad they gonna check on next. Once, Aunty Molly gave me the whole stack of 'shits', i merely just asked to confirm if it the WP thingy and Mary says good, im getting on hands. I even knows how to read her 'messy' SCR. When im back form the ladies, Joel told me that Mary ask about my qualifications! Arghh.. what happen? Everytime i gets into a new job, ppl tends to gives me all opportunities. Im just doing wad i shld do and understands.. just put myself in their shoes and u will get it on hands too, Yupz! But lucky la.. i cant do deskbound jobs, for goodness sake! i cant make myself stays sitted facing the comp and papers for hours, man! I will go bonkers.. =D Phew

Tuesday, Joel.. our air-steward-to-be will be leaving too, to prepared for his tough training! Another gonna leave... sadz :( But here, im gonna wish him all the best, thou i knw u feels kinda bad that u cant go for the subaru competition! Work hard and that is possible stills! Dun dissapoint me wor.. i looked up on you, LOLx =D A nice guy with bright future who knows what he is going for.

 

Had bbq with Dear, Ming and his gf, Eng Hao, Xiao Ming, Hongfu, Fuchong and Cheng Hong... Nice of them to bought the tiramisu cake for me but still can complain that its too creamy. You all choose de lehz, still can quarrel bcos of that sia! Crazy bunch... We just sat there and talks about work, army things, career... till time for my belated cake to be lighted. Me and Dear just squat near the cakes and 'ka-cha ka-cha' their camera just keeps flickering, just like a movie star! Enghao stil volunteer to be the lightsman.. Well, the pics arent with me yet as my hp going to run out of batt. Will upload them someday when im more free bah, alright guys?!